Girl with the Pearl Earring

“let me be your ruler, you can call me queen bee”

let me live that fantasy

My photo is a more abstract take on Vermeer's 'Girl with the Pearl Earring'. This picture isn't necessarily who I'm planning on becoming in my next three years of high school, but it resembles the person I'll grow into. I believe your personality is set, you are who you always will be. However, I believe that as you grow, you also grow into your personality as well. You become more of yourself. This change takes time, and is not easy. At points throughout my relatively short life, I haven't liked who I am. But that's just part of the process, evolving into the personality and identity you were born to have.

I've been learning who I am, and no multitude of adjectives can describe exactly who that is. I'm a perfectionist, an extremely driven person, a novice at many fields, intense foodie, a believer in beautiful words, fascinating people, and lovely moments. I take charge of myself, I am the Queen Bee of my life. I believe in independence. "I did not want to be obliged to anyone." This quote from Griet, from Girl with a Pearl Earring, further explains my beliefs. People as a whole base themselves too strongly on what they do and what their place in society is, and I would say that both Greit and I are guilty of this. Greit strongly clings to others to define who she is. Greit is a maid, a sister, a muse, and a butcher's wife. I found this odd throughout the book. She was appalled at who she was becoming, because it had nothing to do with what she was influenced by. In the next three years, I want to learn to become more of who I am and the things that intrigue me. Not what I am surrounded by.
                                                                                                                                                                     "Whenever you feel unloved, unimportant or insecure remember to whom you belong" [Ephesians 2:19-22]. Throughout her hard and long days of work at the Vermeer household, Griet found great comfort in returning home to her family on Sundays and rejoining in familiar acts. "Afterwards we went to services at our church, where I was surrounded by familiar faces and familiar words. Sitting between Agnes and my mother, I felt my back relaxing into the pew, my face softening from the mask I had worn all week." Much like Greit, I take comfort in being around the people I love. There's not expectation, stress, or jealousy. But shouldn't all relationships we have with others be that way? Open and enduring, stable, and loving. Relationships aren't supposed to be complicated, you just need to be honest, open, loving, attentive, and communicative. Through high school I want to build better relationships and strengthen those that are preexisting. Years later, I want people to remember me as caring and a good friend, who was truly kind to everyone. I've put other's happiness before mine, prioritized other people before myself, and continued to let myself feel unimportant and unwanted, and that is exactly what I need to detach myself from. So perhaps this maturation is more about detaching myself from unhealthy relations, and becoming a stronger from of myself in order to create healthy relationships that are nurturing and supportive.